Big Little Moment #21-Finishing The Honolulu Marathon

All I can say is that I am humbled beyond words.  The 2011 Honolulu Marathon totally kicked my okole.  I went into this race setting a goal of 5 hours since I thought I trained well and 5 hours was the time of my first marathon.  But, God had other plans for me today for these reasons.

#1 I was a nervous wreck.  The week leading up to the marathon was rough.  I did the Xterra 10k Trail Run @ Kualoa Ranch after coming off a cold.  I didn't hydrate enough and drank a huge cup of coffee the night before the race.  Big mistake.  I had to pee so much that I ended up cramping while running up that monster hill during the 1st mile of the trail run race.  Then, I got a migraine and was down and out for 2 days from training.  This really hit my confidence.  Two nights before marathon race day, I couldn't sleep at all.  I think I got a total of 4 hours of sleep combined both nights.  The night before the marathon, it was storming with thunder and lightening.  The news said there was a flash flood and high wind advisory.

#2 Lack of sleep really hit me.  I was so tired during the race that all I could think about was going to sleep.

#3  I was so hungry during the race I had thoughts of stopping off at 7 Eleven to grab a spam musubi!  LOL.

#4 My shoes were killing me!  By mile 9 my feet were hurting, which isn't normal.  But, my running shoes were 2 years old (thought I could use the same shoes since I didn't do much running in them since I was pregnant most of the time I had the shoes).  Being that I'm at home with the kids and not getting paid, tried to save money on shoes.  BIG MISTAKE!

#5 Colds got the better of us.  Maya Bee first got sick from preschool.  Then Bernard got sick and was down and out for a good week and  half.  That meant I had to hold the fort down.  I couldn't go on long runs because Bernard was too sick to take care of the kids while I ran.  Then, 2 weeks before the marathon, I got sick and was down and out for a week and a half.  It was very frustrating.

#6 Finding the time to train was hard since me and Bernard were running the marathon.  Plus, I started training late in the game due to giving birth to Madison in February.  It took a while for my body to even be able to handle running.  I wasn't one of those women who worked out while pregnant.  I was too tired from working full time, taking care of toddler, and being a wife to work out while pregnant.  

#7 I was so worried about Bernard doing this race.  He caught a pretty bad cold and was still coughing phlegm up until race day.  I was so worried that he was going to come down with Pneumonia or something.

But the most amazing thing happened...I got to finish the marathon with the love of my life, biggest supporter, and best friend...my husband Bernard.  I hit a MAJOR WALL at 9 miles.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My feet were killing me and I kept thinking about how much farther I had to go.  I have ran parts of the marathon route millions of times.  I psyched myself out.  I kept pushing on and eventually picked it up and ran well up until 12 miles.  Then, my body totally gave out.  Everything started to shut down.  I walked and Bernard eventually caught up with me.  I could tell he was in pain.  He told me to keep going, but I decided to stay with him.

Bernard smiled at me and grabbed my hand.  Together we pushed forward.  I was so mad at myself because I knew I could do this, yet my body wasn't allowing me to.  I was struggling to run miles I easily ran during my training runs.  When we hit 18 miles, I stopped and just cried in frustration.  I told Bernard that I wanted to quit.  Through his own pain, he grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes and told me I could do it.  I believed him with all of my heart.  I was so touched that he would put himself second to support me and give me strength.  I knew at that moment how much he really loved me.

The funny thing that also got me going...was seeing those darn Occupy Wall Street protestors holding a sign by Hawaii Kai Costco.  I was so mad that they would even think to protest while I was running a grueling 26.2 miles.  So I started running again.  I also saw one of my best friends' sister, on the side cheering us on.  That gave me strength to keep on going, too.

Through the last grueling 8 miles after I hit my wall, I stuck with Bernard.  I knew in my heart that this was what God wanted for us.  We supported each other and gave each other strength to overcome the pain and fatigue.  When I saw the finish line, I started to tear up.  All I could think about was Maya and Madison.  I remembered again why I did this race in the first place.  I grabbed Bernard's hand and we ran through to the finish line and raised our hands in triumph.  I told him I loved him with all of my heart and broke down in tears.

I'll never forget this day.  Bernard and I have been together for about 11 years, married for 3 years.  We were so young when we first met.  We both had no clue what it really meant to be in love.  But yesterday's marathon helped me to really understand how much B loves me.  I was truly touched by how much Bernard was there for me yesterday.  He swallowed his pain and fatigue to muster up the strength to support me.  I was so proud of him, too.  He ran his personal best and he told me that I also gave him strength to keep on going.  He didn't say it during the race, but he tried hard to keep up with me so he could support me. 

I learned that as long as we stick together and support each other, together, we have the strength to do whatever we dream of.  Alone, we probably would not have been able to do as well at the marathon.

I was also happy to help out my friend.  She was super nervous and scared to run her very 1st marathon.  We started the race together and I encouraged her to not give up.  I even joked with her that she would probably beat me...and she did!  LOL...I am super proud of her.

I was touched by all the support we got from our friends and family.  Everyone was so encouraging.  From my friends praying for me and encouraging me throughout the whole year, to my life group sisters who lent me her running books and encouraging me not to quit earlier in my training, to my friends who came down to the finish line even though they didn't know where we were.  We ended the night with a fun BBQ @ our house with friends.  You folks really made our night.  Bernard and I had so much fun with you folks, we totally forgot about the pain we were in!  LOL!  I also really appreciated my cousin's encouraging text message even though she was super busy.  I was also touched by the friends who tracked me on Facebook as my times were posted.  As we made our way to get our medals and finisher's t-shirt, I saw my mom with Maya and Madison, along with my best friend, whom I've known since Kindergarten.  God bless her for being there to help my mom with the kids.  I broke down again in tears when I saw them.  Just knowing they were waiting for me at the finish line also gave me strength to keep on going.

I guess my biggest downfall with this race was that I let my pride get in the way.  But once I pushed that pride away and humbled myself, I realized how much more this race was than trying to meet a personal goal for time.  This race brought Bernard and I closer together and it taught me that nothing is impossible in life.  Things will be hard, but as long as I have FAITH in God and the love of my family and friends, the sky is the limit!  Instead of being scared of challenges, I need to be excited to take it on.  I need to let God turn my struggles into triumphs.

I am super proud of myself.  I haven't ran in 4 years since I was pregnant in 4 consecutive years.  I gave birth to Madison in February of this year and didn't start officially training for the marathon till August.  When I got the 6 weeks clearance to start running again, I couldn't even run a mile.  I am proud of myself for still training even when Madison wasn't quite sleeping through the night yet.  I am proud of myself for not making excuses and for finding the time to run with two children under the age of 3.

The true test is when I go back to work.  I get a little nervous thinking about how I'm going to balance everything.  God (bible study, devotions, church, ministry), teaching, motherhood, being a wife, having a social life.  I'm afraid I won't be able to do it all.  But one thing I learned is that I have to make time to run.  Running is what keeps me sane.  Running is my mommy alone time.  When I keep that part of my identity, I am a happier person all around.  When my tank is full, I am able to shine brighter in all areas of my life. 

I am excited for 2012!  Bring it on!  There will be lots of changes coming up.  But I know that with God, family, and friends, 2012 will be awesome!

Big Little Moment #20-Making Dreams Come True One Step at a Time

I've always loved to run.  Running has been an outlet for me.  I first started running when I paddled with a canoe club that was pretty hard core.  I trained with their open women's team and boy were those women in shape.  I was fresh out of high school and had no clue what it took to be a paddler in the open women's division.  These women did pull ups everyday before getting in the boy...I couldn't even do one pull up.  We would run around Diamond Head for crosstraining and I'll never forget the first day I did the run.  I was dying....I literally came in dead last!

This really motivated me to get into better shape.  I wanted to keep up with the other ladies on my team, so I started to train.  Eventually, I had to drop out for the season due to work and I knew I just wasn't ready to paddle with these ladies.  Instead, I took up running.  I signed up for the Great Aloha Run, a half marathon, a 30K, and slowly worked my way up to doing my first marathon in 2003.  I finished in 5 hours.

Eventually, I did another marathon in 2005.  That was my best year.  I trained with a really good friend and finished the marathon in 4 1/2 hours.  In 2006 and 2007, I did the marathon with B, but I really didn't train. 

In 2008-2011, I had two babies and life took over.  I totally stopped running.  I felt like I loss a part of myself.  I loved running and I really missed it!  B really believed in me and when I was pregnant with Madison in 2010, he signed me up to do the 2011 Honolulu Marathon.

B has been my biggest supporter.  He's always believed that I could do this and if it wasn't for him, I would not be doing this.   When I first started running again in April 2011, it was so HARD!  My body was so weak and jiggly....I could barely run a mile.  What frustrated me even more was knowing that I could once do these runs effortlessly.  I felt so discouraged.  However, B kept on pushing me and motivating me.

Slowly but surely, my body began to get stronger.  I started to increase my mileage.  Finding the time to run has been a struggle, but I've learned that with careful planning and teamwork, there is a way!  I feel like I've found myself again through running.  There is nothing like the feeling of the wind blowing through your hair and the sound of your shoes hitting the pavement.  Running is my alone time, time to turn off the "mommy mode" and focus on myself for a little bit.  I go into a zone and before I know it, miles has passed by.

My marathon training has taught me to look at what I CAN DO, not at what I CAN'T DO.  I've been praying a lot during my runs and I can hear God speaking to me.  He keeps saying that as long as I have faith in Him, I can all things through Christ.  I don't care about the time I finish, I just want to finish.  I want to share this story with Maya and Madison to inspire them to DREAM BIG and to PERSEVERE!  Most importantly, I want my girls to know that if they rely on God for strength, He'll make it happen!

I have many more things to accomplish on my list.  Here's a couple of my far out dreams:

1.  Qualify for the Boston Marathon
2.  Travel to do a Marathon
3.  Do a triathlon
4.  Get my Master's Degree and get Nationally Certified as a teacher
5.  Study at Colombia University in New York
6.  Write a children's book and get it published

These things have been on my BIG DREAMS list for a while.  But, I know with patience and with God's time, it'll happen.  It may not happen even 10 years from now.  But if I spend my time worrying and doubting, I lose out on the fun in life.  For now, I'm just super excited for December 11.....race day for the Honolulu Marathon!  This marathon means more to me than my first marathon....this marathon proves that with a little faith, all things are possible!

Big Little Momment #19-Enjoying My Little Pal

Maya has always been a stubborn little bee.  She refused to come out when my water broke.  She also needed that vacuum to help her come out.  I was literally on the verge of a C-Section when Maya finally decided to pop out into the world.


From the moment she was born, she never stopped crying.  She cried, and cried, and cried.  There were many a nights where all B and I could do was hold each other. 

With each new milestone, Maya has fought us.  It was so frustrating at times.  Even as young as 10 months old, Maya knew what she wanted.  She could throw a tantrum for hours..and hold a pretty mean grudge.  We tried the distraction method, and that didn't work at all.  She just wouldn't let go of what she wanted.

When Maya turned 2, there were a lot of changes going on.  First of all, she had a new sister, a big girl bed, no diapers anymore, and preschool.  It was a daily struggle.  5-6 times a day, Maya would throw a tantrum.  She rarely smiled and she always seemed to be angry.  B and I just didn't know what to do.  It felt like we were putting her in time out constantly.  I felt like I was losing my little angel.

I decided to do some research and reflecting.  Just like in the classroom, I am a teacher to Maya.  I realized some key things that have changed our lives.

1.  You can't expect a child to do something he/she does not know how to do.
-Up until this point, Maya used crying to get what she wanted.  Now that she was beginning to talk and form sentences, she needed to learn how to use words to navigate the world.  When Maya would have a meltdown, we stopped punishing her for her outbursts.  We taught her to calm down and that anger was okay.  We worked with her on positive ways to display anger.  Each time she started to whine or cry, we told her, "Use words.  Mommy and daddy can't help you unless you help us to understand by using words."  We praised her each time she used words to communicate what she wanted and we held our ground by not giving her what she wanted till she used words.

2.  Children need a lot of tough love.
-We learned that we had to be even more stubborn that Maya.  Even though it was driving us nuts, we had to hold our ground and be consistent.  No matter how crazy things got, we had to keep our cool.  Sometimes we also had to let Maya suffer the natural consequences of her actions. 


3.  Children need consistency.
-All the adults in our house really had to get on the same page.  We all had to have a common understanding of what was expected of Maya.  If not, Maya would play the game.  She had to see us adults as a team.

4.  Blame the choice, not the child.
-No matter how crazy things got, I wanted Maya to know that she was a good girl and an awesome person.  In the heat of the moment, it's so easy to say, "Bad girl."  But, we tried really hard to focus on her choices, not her character.

5.  Teach children to be thinkers.
-My first reaction was to punish, but I realized all I was doing was teaching Maya to fear me.  We didn't want that.  I read "Teaching with Love & Logic" and tried to incorporate the strategies with Maya.  I wanted Maya to learn how to analyze cause and effect.  We wanted Maya to understand WHY we wanted to her to do or not to do certain things.  It was frustrating at times and time consuming, but we took our time to explain things to her.  We even showed her why.  Sometimes again, we even let her experience the natural consequences of her actions.  If she made a mess, she needed to clean it.  If she had toys, she needed to put them away or we took them away.   

And just like that, one day, my little pal emerged from the chaos of the terrible two's.  Maya woke up one day with a smile on her face and the understanding of her new found powers.  She understands rules and that all the adults in the house will not budge on the rules.  She also understands that if she follows the rules, she'll get what she wants and she'll be a lot happier.  We're able to reason with her.  When she's upset, she'll tell me she's angry, look away, and take a time out.  When she's ready she comes back to me and that's when we have a talk.  When Maya is frustrated, I hug her and say I understand. 

I am amazed by Maya.  It is a joy to watch this littler person emerge.  I am in awe of how quirky, unique, and individualistic a 2 year old can be.  I can have conversations with her and we laugh together.  We pray together.  But, it's Maya's HUGE HEART that takes my breath away.  When I am sad, hurt, or when I make  a "boo-boo", she's right there asking me, "Are you okay Mommy?" and gives me a hug and kiss.  When she had a little shee-shee toilet accident, she said, "Thanx Mommy," while I was cleaning her up.  When she makes a negative choice, I ask, "Maya, would you like it if someone did that to you, too?"  Maya says no and apologizes.  Sometimes, she'll be a little stubborn, but again, I've learned to give her space and come back to the issue at hand.

I know that there are many more "adventures" to come.  Maya's got a lot of HEART or KOKORO in Japanese.  We need to continue to guide her in using her HIROI KOKORO to help her shine like the bright STAR that she is!  Hopefully one day she'll join Daddy's Gracie Jiu-jitsu team at Team HK-HIROI KOKORO! 

Big Little Moment #18-Appreciating

Kahala Mall is my favorite baby friendly place to go.  The air conditioner really is a wonderful thing on these hot, muggy days.  There is a photo gallery by Macy's of children with Down Syndrome.  There is a picture of the child and a picture the child took of someone special in his/her life.  I am a huge fan of children's art and I always stop to look at the various displays.  As I walked by each picture, I fell in love with the pure joy and happiness in each child's face.  I could see in their eyes a genuine love and zest for life.

One particular mom's message to her son blew me away.  I don't remember the exact words she wrote, but it went something like this, "I am so honored that you chose me to be your mom."  I was brought to tears by this statement. 





As Maya goes through her phase of discovering who she is as a person, we've gotten into some power struggles.  It has gotten frustrating at times, but I've been thinking a lot about this quote, "I am so honored that YOU chose me to be your mom."  To experience these struggles with Maya is an honor in itself.  I never thought of it that way.  I have the opportunity to teach her right from wrong and the true reward is seeing her blossom.  Bernard always reminds me that we should cherish and appreciate life's most challenging moments.  If everything were easy, we'd take it for granted. 

Big Little Moment #17-Signing Up For the Children's Book Author Classes at UH

Big Little Moment #16-Reflecting

As a reading/writing teacher, I love to read and write with my students.  My students really enjoy listening to my stories and hearing about the adventures I have with my books.  I recently found a sample response to literature I wrote with my students several years back to a wonderful book called "Wilma Unlimited".  The book is about an Olympic gold medal track runner named Wilma Rudolph who suffered from childhood Polio.  Wilma was able to beat the disease and 8 years later win a gold medal in track and field at the Olympics.  This was such an amazing true life story.  My response to the book was my adventures as a new mommy.  I was pregnant with Maya at the time and I wrote about my will to become the best mommy I can be for Maya.  My students really enjoyed listening to my connection.  Below is the response I wrote:

Tenacity

    Right now, a life is growing inside of me.  A baby girl named Maya is getting ready to make her grand entrance into the world.  I have never been a parent before, and I am a little uncertain at times.  All sorts of questions run through my mind.  At times, I worry about the future.  However, one thing is for sure!  I love baby Maya with all my heart.  As baby Maya grows each day, so does my tenacity to create a wonderful environment of love for her.  I will do anything for her and I will do whatever it takes to help her grow into a beautiful, strong, and loving person.  I can tell baby Maya has tenacity, too because she kicks really hard inside of my stomach.  Her kicks sometimes wake me up in the middle of the night.  I am so excited and I cannot wait to meet baby Maya!

Big Little Moment #15-Smelling the Roses

Here's a list of random things that make me feel warm and fuzzy.

1.  Fist pumping with Maya.
2.  A busy day with no she-she toilet accidents.
3.  Going on yogurt runs.
4.  Sleeping in.
5.  Reading a bedtime story to Maya.
6.  Watching Mady fall asleep while she breastfeeds.
7.  Opening the door to Mady's room and seeing her peek above the crib bumper.
8.  Listening to Maya and Mady laugh.
9.  Seeing Maya smile up at me while we walk and hold hands.
10.  Maya kissing my "boo-boo" and telling me it's all better.
11.  Mady sucking her thumb.
12.  Cuddling Mady.
13.  Giving kisses to the girls.